Why BLOG?

Your blog is the worst blog I've ever seen. *nodding head and sigh wearily* No traffic, no money generation , no reader, nothing! There's no reason for why you should blog, just shut down lah!

I've been blogging since 2 years ago, it initiates with the curiosity of mine. It was a trend which was very cool to own a blog, that was what I thought 2 years ago. (My previous blog) I installed complicated codes and it was a mess! Then finally I decided to start a new blog and keep it simple.

Throughout the years, I've learned many lessons through blogging. I realized that blogging is not just about keeping up with the Joneses or getting anything in return though I'm really envious of those great bloggers who earn a lot of money through blogging. (mind you, those Ads in my blog are not generating anything) To me, it's a process of growing up and being a better person from day to day. I really appreciated people who read my crapping blog, a big thank you to you all. =)

A friend of mine told me about this contest. The contest with prizes sponsored by 5xmom who runs the Make$ Money$ blog and she is contributing back to the blogging community with the money she earned. She will be giving away monthly prizes if this contest is popular. Please encourage your readers and friends to participate as well.

There are a lot of great blogs out there and her blog is one of my favourite that I've bookmarked. I believe that if we blog with a heart of sincerity, the readers would be able to feel the genuineness of the entries. It's not about winning the contest, because that's not the main thing about blogging. I'll blog about this, even without the competition.

You don't know me, well you don't have to. I'm just a typical blogger that has nothing much but a crapping blog.

Hey check out my blog!! I've posted something!!" I'm not saying that it's wrong, just that it'snot my style. I love to keep everything under the wraps. I'd never promote or solicit support to prop up my blog. You know, like putting up the blog link on lamp posts, walls (everywhere that is conspicuous) and publicizing as if seeking for ballot in election campaign.

My blog is the reflection of my true-self, of what I have stumbled in my daily life. Well is not like hullabaloo every single particular, but summarization of what I've learned and sharing it with other people. Blogging is like babbling my crapping thoughts, journalizing the encounters in my life and to be the better person I could be.

The reason why I never give up my blog (though no money generation, no traffic) is because I want to trace what I've learned in my daily life. I know they're gibberish and unfathomable, but it means a lot to me. I hope that someone would benefit something from it. Well, one is enough.

Every blogger has diverse intentions, styles and perceptions. There's no explicit answer for why one should blog, but there's something in common among bloggers. That is, bloggers have enthusiasm towards blogging and simply love to blog with gusto. =)

Sleepless Night

Tears of misery
Soaked the pillow
Eclipsed the sight of hers

Tears of fractured soul
Resentfully swamped her eyes
For she tried recklessly to curb
The rebellious wet in her eyes
Apart from the throbbing pain

The saturated bed
Invaded her silent weeps
Ripping her in aching turmoil
Feeling bottled up and hopeless
She pleaded for pardon and acceptance
For she knew, it'll not help anything
But hurting people she cared
Still, she hoped for being accountable
For all the sore she wounded
Without a word of protest

As gloom obscured the radiance
She sniveled in swelled lips
Yearning for something ridiculous
She couldn't forgive herself
For the grievance she caused
If only she was given a chance
Being liable for the people she cared

It was a sleepless night
For nobody would know
The chronicle of her solitude

Unlikely Delusion

Awaken from the slumber
Unfolding her eyelids she awed
With tears streaming down her face

Naive and being susceptible
The unacquainted hues of hers
Started to fade and prickle with ache
As she noticed the bruise was no longer
A dream she hoped that wasn't true

Clinging to her gullible mind
She was too naive to believe that
True intentions are always disguised
In a manner that is too profound
Beyond her naive grasp

As she heard the ponderous tread
Her heart fluttered in trepidation
Throbbed with an empty heart
In hope she could sort things out
Amid the best solution of hers

Guilt pulsed her
Without a sense of forgiveness
As she felt a twinge of her conscience
She reproved her amiable disposition
For being such a foolish person

Suffocating in affliction
Her tears shrouded in mirage
In a dream she hoped wasn't true

As a Whole

Being egocentric is not wrong in any kind, nor correct. We live in a life of ours and we tend to think on our standpoints that are very unlikely in other's shoes.

When we are wounded, we would blame everyone that comes across our mind. We'd blame God, for no one has the foggiest notion of what god plans for us. we'd blame other people, for not being understanding enough what we have been through. we blame everyone but never ourselves because we are the protagonist as we have our rights to believe what we think is right.

We are insatiable, don't we? We will never be pleased of what we have but we will definitely groan about what we do not have. That's what that'll stimulates us to attain something we are yearning to have. yeah well, acquiring something is good but it has to be done in moderation..

When there is a smudge on our shirt, do we discard our shirt? Certainly we'll buy all sorts of bleach to remove the dirt off the shirt. Think it as a whole, we do not snub our shirt for a little dirt on it right. (omg, what I'm talking about?) okay what I mean is, making fuss of small matters is superfluous. If we do so, we will not have enough time to cherish what we have.

Ravenousness will never make us feel better. If we haggle over little matters, we will lose things we have. =)

Time to Rouse

I’m trembling with the emergency brake in my palms. I’m accelerating on the one-way railway, taking the track at the peril of my future.

I’m wavering in hesitation, sighing in gawkiness. Many people said that i’ll be fine because i’m a smart girl that will never daunted by obstacles. (still i don't know how true it is) I even tried to sway myself that I’ll be fine. I’m tough for everything..

A good friend of mine told me about being resolute about our decision. Once a decision is made, we have to bear the consequences with great fortitude. You know what, i’m really thankful for having a great friend like her. But somehow I felt so bad about myself and ashamed of what I’ve done. (Val, shame on you!!) I mean, what on earth was I doing, faltering about everything?

She’s right. I'm slipping. I’m drifting apart from the dream I used to have. No more sweet tales with happy endings. It’s time to rouse from hundred years of sleep of mine..

Go..Further!

If you ask me whether I'm bemoaning about the miracle-could-be the I used to have, my answer would be undeniably "YES".

It's like.. you were standing close to the goal of yours and you're excited about it. Suddenly you slipped up and fell down. You felt the ache but still you tried to seize everything you could. No matter what you have attempted, still you were chucked with a red card. In the trance and you heaved a sigh as the thing you manage to grip is a hallucination of your dream.

Actually.. I don't wanna sit for any exams nor interview right now though a university in US told me that I could stand a great chance. Many people persuaded me, but still I'm not going for it. I'm sorry. i just can't afford another one. I mean, it's over and i'm over it. thank you everyone. =)

Hey don't worry, i'm doing really fine now. Though college life is a lil hectic and demanding (sometimes), but still I enjoyed every moment of it! *hands up for campus life* I experienced and learned a lot of things, and discovered a little about my true self. I love it! and I love my friends! You guys are inspiration and stimulation for me to go further. (sorry yeah kinda sickening huh?=p)

You guys out there, wherever and whoever you are, you have my blessings. take good care of yourself and make every endeavor to the best yeah! =)

Holiday!!

I should be acclaiming MERDEKA like fanatical fool as if Malaysia won the World Cup. It's time to bid adieu to the bogey of examination. Time to put everything into the flame of liberation! Happy holiday everyone!! You know, i was desperately anticipating for this momentous moment like for ages and centuries. (well since first day of first semester..)

It's odd. I can't feel the merdeka spirit. I think i need something to uplift the spirit, something to heat up the flame. Choices. Each of them lead to different outcomes and consequences. and yeah, we have to forfeit something in return. Nasty rules huh? I hope i were granted more time to do everything that is cited in my to-do-list. I need time, truly and frantically.

I have a bad feeling that the crammed schedule of mine will clash with one another. well hopefully my six sense will go off beam this time. Actually i'm quite lost right now, not knowing what to do though i had been told about it. Maybe i'm not really used to it yet, or somehow. I really hope everything will be fine.

The forthcoming schedule will be really hectic and I might need loads of oxygen tanks. (for breathing purpose..hehe) Gambateh, Val! =)

Cool Capacity

The image looks like a vague smudge, but it looks okay if you click in and view. It's probably a few days already since the Hotmail upgraded the system. Looks cool huh?

You know, the meter of the storage capacity (what do we call that? indicator?) has never exceed 5% when I had 1GB storage. Now with 5GB storage, I wonder if it is going to take forever to go beyond 10 %? haha~ which is a good news! I can store loads of love letters.. =p

The previous one.. (1GB only..)

I have other of accounts like Yahoo and Gmail. (some I don't even remember the name) I'm not really certain whether they are still accessible as I abandoned them since a long time ago. Kinda redundant to have so many accounts don't you think so? (yalah tanganku gatal sikit masa itu) well actually i'm quite sluggish to sign in every account each time I check mail. And it's quite tedious for others to mail me when they have to send the mail to each of my mail account to ensure that i have received the mail.

thanks to my laziness, I have only one account for everything. Friendster, MSN, email, and all sorts. and I love Hotmail even more right now because of the storage capacity, though i didn't use the MySpace thing. Is not about the storage thing because there are others with bigger storage, it's the generalization of everything that counts. Oh I love Hotmail!! =)

Pheww.. luckily Val didn't abandon me. Please don't discard me! I promise I'll be good, I promise!! (Quoted by Blogspot)

Getting a Car

Val, do you drive?
Well, not really..
Do you have your license?
Yeah I have my driving license, but I don't drive.
Huh??? =.=

Lucy said that she'll have gotten a Kembara by the end of this year. Her boyfriend will be getting her a four wheel drive. I marveled a while as a Kembara came to my mind. well for a driving newbie like me, i don't really want to drive a huge car like that. I fancy small little car like.. kancil, or my dream car, Smart car! (SmartForTwo is so cute!!)

*dreaming* *dreaming* *dreaming*
(i'm melting away...)

Ahh..this car is superb! I pleaded my dad to get me one and his response was "haiya drive the Iswara first laa..like your brother like that, bump a few times first." but you know what? the Iswara is twice longer/bigger than the Smart car. (how do we measure har?) and of course, Smart car is simply gorgeous and stylish!

I tell you what. Smart car is meant for people in the market like you. Don't know how to parking, hold sterling also scare one. you don't know the joy of driving lahh~ (Quoted by my dad. bapa borek, anak rintik huh? =.=)

Okay, back to what I said just now. Lucy and I burst into laughter when we prated about her future car. Her boyfriend very cute laa..

Well he said, driving a four wheel drive is better. So I told him to get me StormRider instead, so that i can "soar" on the road. Rather than Kembara, StormRider sounds nicer for a four wheel drive right?

Friday Night

The splendor of a moon lit night on the bank of the Lucerna River reminisces me of the nostalgia moments with Guilietta Guicciardi. As forbiddance pulls us apart, I have qualms about letting her go. Do human beings who love one another control love or is love controlled by higher authority?

Before any relationships starts, we need affirmation. Without them, we create phantoms without heads. I'm a phantom who is in love. The distinct of melody reminds me of thou, translating our love to a song of nocturne. As the loneliness sweeping in, I enslave myself to the sonata. The score is played in C sharp minor, a song of tranquil, a song of lullaby, and a song of our love.

The moon bathes the bank, tapping out a rhythmic tempo, leading me to the broken heart. As the notes penetrated my soul and filled me with sentimental notes, my fingers pull the melancholy notes together with gentle assurance. Notes echo me with unspoken words, hovering in pain and agony. For no one would know, the story of my woes, the everlasting love of ours.

Under the gleaming moonlight, you could hear a song of languidly beautiful and heart-wrenching nocturne...Moonlight Sonata.

Yes. I can read your lips and i know what you're trying to say. I wrote it. It was kinda long time ago when we were told to write this as homework. I remembered crapping this and the feeling is kinda like how i feel right now. yeah well sometimes when i got a lil inspired and i might crap something like this. don't get it wrong okay, i'm not that kinda quixotic with those the love and eternity stuff. Actually I felt a lil flinched whenever i read what i had crapped. (don't you feel so?)

Friday night..my favourite night. (is not like i'm going for clubbing larr..) It's a night that is typically just for me to settle down everything after a long week. i simply love the feeling of friday night. In the midst of tranquility, i love the feeling of sipping the scorching peppermint tea of mine, indulging the mellifluous voice of Shayne Ward, crapping some stuff.. the feeling is so great..

Sometimes i just don't know what i'm crapping about, gibberish i think. but it's really great to crap some stuff and maybe that's why i love blogging. It's like summarizing the encounters of life and sharing it in a cache of ours.

hmm..that's all for tonight. have a wonderful weekend and gambateh ya for our last paper next week!! =p

I'm not techie

Wrong already lah. Who teach you to write like that one? Confirm wrong lah. (Quoted by my bro)

I screwed up my BITA exam today. (is not that I'm going to fail lar..) Actually it wasn't that bad, just not really well for me. I wasn't really prepared though I crammed really hard. I did study, but the stuff I crammed didn't come out and I don't really understand those wires stuff. >.<

I'm a technophobe. I mean, how am I supposed to know all these technical stuff? Literally stated in the notes but it's hard to understand. I mean, for certain topics. However there were times for me to shine also, crapping stuffs! haha~ will keep my fingers crossed. =)

And yeah, it's perfectly normal for us to communicate in "that" way. That's how we care for each other. =) Just ignore us, haha~ We are different. He is good in computer stuff but I'm not. Everyone is different and so as our aspiration. Some people think that passing exam is like winning the Oscar Award, some of them want to be the best among the best, like scoring perfect score. I don't want to be on the top lar, I just wanna.. be in the between.

Still, I was kinda "muka tembok" and I asked him again. "But I wrote so many worr, not even a lil of sympathy marks?"

You keep on dreaming lah. Where got people wrong already still ask for marks one.. Haiya how you study one?!
(He said curtly. =.=)

The Eyes

It's like the eyes of the tabloids, once they marked you, you are expected to do something really awesome. Like something that'll state your name in the book of Genius World Record. They gaze at you with anticipation, so you better don't screw up or you'll end up everything miserably. Watch out, they have eyes on you.

"Nah~ if you can't make it, who else can? Don't be so humble lahh.." That's what people tend to say when you tell that that you're not as good as they think. It's not about being modest, it's more like a kind of expectation and you're likely doing things flawless. Which means, you have to be wary of your steps or else you'll fall in humiliation.

"I'm even worst than you, you know that?" (sounds familiar? =p) Everyone is different and we all have our own clarification on how we evaluate what is good and bad. and yeah, our competence too. For some people (like me lar) , it's likely impossible for them to attain something which may be a piece of cake for others, no matter how hard they strive for it. It's not a shame in any kind because no one is perfect, be proud of who we are because we are who we are. =)

Sometimes I rather do things anonymously, to evade the possibility of being caught by the eyes. haha~ anyway.. I really hope that I'll not screw up everything..

Checklist (I was bored)

Yes, I know. Exam is just around the corner. I'm just checking my list. Exclusively my style! (yeah I'm procrastinating right now) Actually, some of my friends got influenced by me and eventually they got themselves the same stuff too. haha~

Item 1. Peppermint tea. (CHECKED)

Imagine that you're studying in an air-corn room, and this is what that's going to keep you warm. Oh did I mention peppermint? Simply the best!! =D

Item 2. Five of my highlight pens (CHECKED)

Without them, I rather don't study at all. Well yes, I highlight almost the whole book. I love the colours! You know what my sister commented on my notes?
"Yerr..so colourful~ Very ugly laa" 0.O

Item 3. My pens (CHECKED)

Well you have the highlight pens, you also need pens to write right? Yeah those colours my favourite!

Item 4. Notes, Ruler and a tissue. (CHECKED)

*Notice the tissue* Don't get it wrong, the tissue aint for me, it's meant for the.. (I don't know how to explain lar, you'll know when you see the way I use it)

Basically that's what I need to study. Can you imagine me, holding those stuff in the crammed lecture hall? Ahh..I look so stupid. But who cares, we are there to learn right? One day if you notice someone with those tools above, don't walk away because it's definitely me. Drop me a HI okay? (Except for the peppermint tea lar, I won't bring that to college)

I'm not a freak lar, though I do look quite nerdy. All the best everyone out there! =)