Marveled.

I have just watched The Devil Wears Prada. I am always a century behind the trend, I know. In fact I have not watched High School Musical 3, yet. And Confession of Shopaholic. :( Anyway back to the story, I just grasp a feeling that cling with my contemplation. And it makes me wonder, big time.

Life is not only about you, and it’s not about me. It’s about other people that we live with, people we love. As people cling on to one SELF, one will believe that his or her life sucks big time more than anyone else in this world.

Why do I have to face this in life.
Why cant people just be more understanding to understand the ordeal that I’m going through.
Nobody understands my predicament, it feels like dying.

I have had enough with people like this. There are times I really wanna say “Stop the fuss and live with it. Be like a grown up person.” But it never happened to me that I would talk to people with such gesture. You know me.

I really don’t wanna make the fuss out of little matters. It’s not the matter that I don’t wanna share, I’m not egocentric. But sometimes it feels even worse when people is sedating with reassuring words. It dampens everything.

At times, I just need someone to tap on my shoulder and say "You're doing great today".

Another Red Light

Although your academic results and qualifications are impressive; however, we are regret to inform that the Foundation has extended the opportunity to other candidates who are more in need.

Once again, we thank you for your application and efforts. We wish you every success in your future academics.

I always look things at the bright side, being sanguine at all opportunities. However this time, it didn’t hit me much. I didn’t feel anything much about it, except for.. was I not in need as much as others?

That sentence hits me.

Through the Rain

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And I stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

Interview & Scholarship

As the saying goes, there is no free lunch in this world. The better ones will have priority over others.

After what I've been through for the past few years, I learned that I should not put on high hopes. On the other hand, I understand that I should be vigilant of opportunities available and never give up. If I couldn't bear the rejection, I shouldn't have applied for scholarship at the first place.

I recalled how excited I was when I received phone call from the HR manager. She's such a nice lady, she congratulated me. After the interview, I feel like being evoked to the realism of competition. They told me that I will be informed for another interview if I'm shortlisted.

I really hope I'll be shortlisted, but if I am not.. it's okay, I'll move on.
I should not put on high hopes, I'll just keep fingers crossed. If I'm not shortlisted, I'm going to be a person better than yesterday and prove to the world that "You all will regret for not choosing me".

A call that made my day!

The last day of my Diploma, after Tamadun exam and MYOB external exam this Saturday I'm going to be a free bird. Well, at least free for a month as Advance Diploma is commencing next month. Going to write a final review of my two years of studies in TARC after exam.

I received a call from Lion Group yesterday after office hour at 7pm. To my surprise it was the HR manager, she verified my email and told me I'm shortlisted to go for an interview next Monday. I was so really glad! Hooray, I'm going for an interview!

If I succeed in this interview, it's going to make a difference in my studies as well as my career path. Keep fingers crossed for my exams this Saturday and my interview on Monday!

*Pss*
Mum said I should wear my G2000 blouse next Monday, which I think it's too cute for the interview =.=

Tired

People surrounding me are in a tensed ambiance lately. The apprehension could penetrate and infiltrate through the concealment of mine.

I feel tired.

Happy 21st, Sze Jian

Hey.

How are you doing there. I hope things are fine over there. Speaking here, Jay Chou has came out with quite a lot of new songs lately. (Sorry I couldnt share much because it's been quite a while since I last catched up with Chinese songs) Yeah he's doing great.

I dropped by your friendster profile, everything is still there. Your wallpaper, your Jay Chou song, pictures, the Sze Jian kind of feeling. "Yo, whatssssuup!!"

I have moved on with quite a lot of stuff lately. I have undergone my NS, currently still doing my Diploma. Gonna commence Advance Diploma next month. I'm sure everyone here does the same thing, we all move on. How about you. What are you up to now?

It's been quite some time already since we last spoke. I can't recall when, could you recall? I guess the last time was in my dreams few years ago. You've been a special friend to me, from the bottom of my heart I'm really glad that I have met you.

Time elapses, never our friendship. And you are always special to me.
Happy 21st birthday Sze Jian.

*My eyes are welled and it kinda soaked through my nose.

When I Grow Up

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene
(By Pussycat dolls)

As I count my birthday candles, I realised that life is more complicated as it seems. I start to think what, why, how, things happen. I start to question, the rationale behind everything.

When I was a kid, I thought my dad owns a bank/ATM machine.


My perspective towards life was easy back then.

When I grow up, I realised there are constraints that forbid us to move on. Whether it is pleasing or not, we have got no choice. Sometimes it's not about pleasing ourselves, we don't have precedence over it.

When I grow up, I realised making decision is bloodcurdling as if it's a macabre. To make a decision we need guts, to move on and to bear with it. Also, taking into consideration our commitments, whether our decision that will lead towards a better living.

When I grow up, I don't wish to grow up.

Halo - Beyonce Knowles

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Mr Alex's BFM Interview

I was in lecture hall and received a SMS by Mr Alex, my ex-boss. He told me that he will be interviewed by BFM at 10am. I was like, WOW! I listened to BFM interviews and I love them, they are really enriching and infomative to the current biz phenomena; makes one sound like a real business savvy.

If you do know that I have worked for Charm for a while, Mr Alex is the designer and the director of the company. Do check my post if you wanna know my daily review of my experience at Charm, promise you won't laugh okay?

I went to library and listened BFM online. I was really surprised that Mr Alex said he got his inspiration through loads of stuff, including politics. (I wonder what's shoe design in his mind when he thinks about our new PM, LOL)

Enough with my blabbing, check out the link below for the interview. It's really a great interview.

Click here for the Interview

Things Dont Cling

Things don't cling on much these days but I'm okay.

I'm good in expressing things at times, I would not hang a notice on my chest saying "Stressful person is here" and hold it out to the world.

As in Leona Lewis's "YESTERDAY"..

I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes

Thank you MY BRO

YK, I apologise.

Thank you for always being there.
I appreciate that a lot.

NS Reminiscence

"It will also set out to find out whether the programme will be continued or stopped as there have been calls for it to be discontinued," he told reporters after officially opened this year's second batch of NS trainees at Cahaya Gemilang camp in Cherating here Thursday.
(Source: The Star)

National Service, it's very mesmerising I must say. Looking back, it's been like three years already. I received the notice letter on December 2006. (Checked through my very very old post and found this picture)

It's been quite some time already. How I responded to the news, how I felt about NS, how suffering it was, how pampered I was. I couldn't comment much on the modules, that time I felt the modules were quite boring and holds nothing much. Few years later, today I find that I miss those modules a lot. I don't know why, I just miss the feeling of togetherness in our uniforms.

Celoreng uniform, postman uniform, sports uniform. I still have my postman pants sized 34 with me, my sister is wearing it at the moment for her Pandu Puteri. It's oversized, and I have to use a belt to hold the pants tight, else it will just fell off. I miss those days where we can hear the sound of polishing our boots in our dorm P7. We really had to polish it "kaw kaw" and make it as shinny as possible. Don't play around with the coaches, seriously.

Our dorm P7, where nightmares took place. Always kena tsunami where Cikgu Ina tend to punish us marching with blanket in the midst of night. (Wearing blanket like sarung and march with it) One small mistake and everyone of us will be punished. We had to be aware of TSUNAMI at all times.

TTS = Tidur Tempat Sendiri = Tidur Tanpa Suami

One day Cikgu Ina heard different interpretation of TTS, and she punished all of us for being irrespectful. (Like that also kena, aiyor. Btw I had no idea who said it, suddenly felt like being punished innocently)

What is worst is, I have a pet there. A cockroach. IT'S THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED ON ME, I swear. The cockroach loved my cupboard, not others but mine only. I chased and threw it out, the next day when I open my cupboard it jumps out of the cupboard and I yelled. It happens almost everyday, until the day when Kati (my sayang) stepped and killed it. *amitabha*

Our camp wasn't the best place with facilities, honestly speaking I think other camps are better than ours. In terms of quality, the gov seriously need to change their uniform suppliers. (shoes and pants tend to be worn out very easily)


It was the first time in my life where I was really on my own. I phoned back home every Friday with tears soaking my eyes. I told my mum how much I missed her buns and her cooking. They knew my problems with cockroach and sent me some "anti-cockcroach" pills. I realised how weak I was without my parents. (The pills didnt work anyway, that's why it was a nightmare for me)

I miss my friends there too. How we worked things out, how we enjoyed our instant noodle in our leisure room in front of TV, how we shared things with each other, how we counted down for the last day of NS. Everything, you all completed my NS life.

I found my NS poem in my old post, written by me after I found out I was chosen. (feels kinda funny when I read my masterpiece)


(Date written: 22 July 2006)
Light dimming and flicking unexpected
The night is so cold and lonely
Under the radar, they can't find evidence
to why it was I that God chose.

Stumbling down my chosen path
I'm learning to fly and be a strong gal
I'll persevere
I'll continue walking, hoping
We are given the strength and
Ability to endure

National Service
Granted the grace to pursue
Piety and persistent purity
Full of hugs and laughter
Filled with sparkles and twirls
A dream comes true
No one to blame or sue

God knows all, hears all, and sees all
It's not a punishment of any kind
There is no one's fault
It was what he had planned us
A better way of which he sought

Lets all hold hands and make amends
With no despair
Together we make this world a better place

Lessons for everyone

Mum
More supplements. Learned about the correct body posture and the importance of nutrients in our body bone structure. We need a new vacuum cleaner.

Dad
No more Kelantan mixed rice, mamak stall's food. Kinda like to drink 100 plus after doing house chores, feels like "ahh! so great!" Agreed with mum, we seriously need a new vacuum cleaner.

Brother
Never buy expensive formal clothes, no Padini, no G2000. So unlucky for him, he has a sister who is incompetent in dealing with his laundries; especially when it comes to branded and expensive clothes. Better wash it yourself, or don't wash. =P

Sister
First time dealing with laundries, claimed that she will do anything for me as long as I help with her laundries. Apparently she finds it rather suffering and exhausting. She took more than an hour to deal with few garments.

Me
Undergone house chores, everything. Been waiting for calls these days but no one has rung. Uphold the drive for scholarship, realised the impact and significance of scholarship. Determined to work hard, wanted to succeed in CIMA and provide a better living for family.