Blessed

Currently I'm working on a Chinese prose. Twiddling my thumbs these days, I want to try something new. I don't know if I can really finish one but I'll try. Wish me luck okay..

Girls ogling gorgeous guys (according to them laa..) and guys in the other way round ogling pretty girls. That's college life. Haha.. My daily routine is fully packed and occupied with great activities. Soon, college activities will be part of my life. I just can't wait till then. Hehe..

My life is quite contradicting these days. I comprehend that everyone cares for me and helped me a lot. I'm feeling much in debt and content with what I have right now. However, I do not want to impose something that does not belong to me. No matter what is going to happen in the next few days, I want you all to know how grateful I am. Thank you~

谢谢大家

看见大家默默地为我而付出
还要劳碌大家为我的事担心
我连自己的事情都解决不了
我觉得很无奈很对不起大家

真的非常感谢你们
其实我既无奈又感动
很感激你们为我做的一切
其实我觉得自己很对不起大家
真的不知道该如何报答你们
虽然大家都说那算不了什么
但是在我心底最深处
有种默默感动的感觉

我深信上天的决定与安排
虽然我不知道结果会是怎么样
我答应大家我会很坚强地走下去
就算再大的风雨我都会努力撑下去
我会为我的前程好好地加油

谢谢你们

努力.改变

曾经以为
只要努力就可以弥补一切
但是有时候尽管多么地努力
仍然改变不了自己的不足
也无法改变事实

成功对别人来说
只是很普通既轻易的事情
然而对有些人而言
成功是不可能浮现的字眼

因为自己较迟钝
所以不管做什么事情
都要比他人多付出及努力
这种过程真的好累好累
(天哪怎么自己那么愚蠢啊~)

有时候很想放弃
但是后来犹豫自己的决定
原来自己是多么没有方向感
真的很希望自己能像别人那样
希望自己拥有一双翅膀
自由飞翔到自己想去的地方

真的很希望
总有一天有人会记得我的名字
记得我是位平凡既努力改变自己的女孩

Eraser and Rubber

Yesterday we were having a little game about guessing an item. The game was like this, you have to describe an object that is in the textbook and your partner has to guess what is it. I was describing about a ring..

"It's an object which couple take it as a symbol of commitment.."
(I haven't finish my line)
"Is it a CONDOM?"

..What?! A what? By the way, there was no picture of any condom in the textbook. I brushed up my eyebrows gave Rod (my partner) a staring look and we both start laughing. My Godness! It's really hilarious! Hehe.. =)

In British education system, we often refer "rubber" as a rubber-made item that we used to rub pencil or ink markings. Back to school, we often say "Can I borrow your rubber please?" Sounds perfectly okay right?

However in US, "rubber" actually refers to condom. An "eraser" is the thing we use for erasing pencil or ink markings. So, if you say "Can I borrow your rubber please?" You will surely get a response with mysterious grin on face. =]

Sympathetic Me

If you read today's newspaper, my dad almost got me into the headline. Some reporters interviewed him yesterday. Luckily they just published my result, not my name. Pheww..what a shocking news.

I received a letter from Taylors today. I grumbled, why not a few days later or before? Or perhaps not sending me this letter? I don't know. I tried to persuade myself that "Well, at least you tried your best!" but it didn't work out anyhow. I grumbled a lot these days..especially when those phone calls coming in. Everyone feels sympathy for me, even my sister.

Jie jie, so how? Nobody want u, very "ke lian" (pitiful) ohh...

I do not know what to say anymore. Man, my life is such a disaster..

The Result

I woke up late today although I knew that the result would be out today on 8am. The server was busy, I refreshed the webpage about half an hour. Meanwhile, I surfed the forum and seems like everyone is bouncing up and down celebrating success. I'm so glad for them though.

Okay, my turn. I typed in my IC number and it turned out with loads of words of "dukacita". I was like, Oww..I knew it. The good news is, I can sleep well tonight without worries! Say HI to my college life! The bad news is, of course, I'm rejected.

Trying to coax myself all the time, I have to learn from rejections. You know, the moment I received my SPM results, I was really happy. I thought that if I try really hard I would succeed one day. I was wrong..

I took Perdagangan as extra subject, I don't know if this is a wise decision. Most of the students tend to drop that subject and I'm the odd one that is willing to take this subject. As for the result, I obtained A1 for that subject. I was really happy..really happy..

Today, so what if you get good results? Nobody wants you anyway, you are going to end up your life just like the others. You thought that you are going to be different but you are totally wrong. You have to be extremely outstanding and with "good results" (not the ordinary one) to shine over the others.

I was turned down by everyone, everything. Apparently, nobody wants me. Even I tried by best, I'm still not good enough.

Don't worry I'm fine..I guess.

Anxious

I can't stand another second glancing at the screen. I even do not have to courage to type in my IC number as my equilibrium is seriously being stricken.

What is going to happen next? What will happen if I'm short-listed? What will happen I'm rejected? Will the screen show the word "tahniah" just like last year when I found out I was shortlisted for National Service?

I thought that I wasn't alone, but I guess I am right now. All I need a shoulder to cry on and someone that will go through all these with me. But guess what? Most of my friends do not even know what is JPA and I have to explain to them. (I'm frustrated and hopeless..)

Yea I know. I know that I do not stand a chance being short-listed. Not to mention I'm a Chinese with only my "cukup makan" result. But there is still a tiny little chance for me and I think it is not wise for me to give up without trying. I'm sorry for my behaviour last month when I was so frustrated (deeply) and was about to give up the interview. I felt sorry for the knockouts that are not called for interview. In fact, I should be glad and thankful that I'm shortlisted for interview because many people out there wanted it so much.

The real result will be out on 11th May, 8am. It'll determine my future, either say "hi" or "bye" to college life.

Techie or Not

Feeling really sick these days. The unbearable weather makes me lazy to get out of the air-corn room. I want stay in my room for the rest of my life!! Haha..

Sometime I wonder, what is going to happen to me without technology. (Forgive me, I have a task to do this week) I have to write an essay about a technology that I can't live without. Technology.. hate it or love it!

I think I'm kinda technophobe, technically. I don't get it. How are we going to race with the pace of the technology? I mean, the moment we bought something new (definitely cost a lot) and then not long later we are risen with the latest technology. And then, we are tagged with "Hey mate, you are out of date!"

That is the main reason why I don't want to buy another handphone. Change, to be exact. I want to buy a new model as mine is kinda out of date. With only 1 mega pixels, duh.. Either keep on the pace or you are being left behind. That's the fact because technology changes rapidly.

So, practically I'm in between. Half-techie!! Hehe, kinda proud of that. I love technology but that doesn't make me a techie though. I love to be in between.

Pray Hard

I checked the forum and guess what? The results will be out on 10th May! Approximately 5 days ahead..next week..

According to the statistics, it is almost impossible for me to be shortlisted. It's kinda crucial but this is the reality. Especially for non-bumis.. I really hope to be shortlisted though.

Yea I know. I'm not smart and good enough to be shortlisted. Arr..sometime I'd blame myself for my stupidness. But then, I'm glad with what I have right now. As long as I tried my best and it is open and aboveboard, God knows.

What I can do right now is keep on praying and move on.. God Bless!

Brand New Start

Today is a brand new day. You may not be the perfect one but you have a sense of tenacity and responsibility towards yourself! Tell everyone about that!

Two weeks ahead, you may not be the lucky one. This is your fate, maybe you are just not good enough for them. You are going to tell yourself that you've done your best. You are just a tiny portion behind them, you can't blame anyone for that..

You've done a great job, maybe not great enough, not quite. You tried to be the best you can, but you are always being blamed for everything.

Salting the wounds may be really hurt, but you can do it! Go Val!!