Keep Fingers Crossed, and Move On

I know it a waste of money.
I know that I don't stand a chance.
I know that it will not change anything in the end.

You might say I'm a "kiasu" person, any how you like. I'm going for it even though it's a total waste of money and effort. And you might say I'm being insatiable of what I have now.

I'm not those type of people who are avid for the first place or anything. I know that perfect 4.0 does not attest one will succeed, neither did I put high hopes on it also. But somehow it doesn't feel good, a sense of ache inside.

I kept on telling myself that I'm prepared to accept it but it's hard, really. I want to concede my comedown with more assurance, to sound equitable for myself and my efforts. I know that it's a complete superfluous but I'm going for it anyhow.

Maybe I'm just trying to soothe myself to feel better..
Maybe I'm just being "kiasu"..
Maybe I'm just sucks no matter how hard I tried.