The Person I am

I don't really know what to say about OHR paper. I was not in a fighting fit state when I sat for this paper. And somehow, everything got trapped due to information overload although the tips were hundred percent exactly like what that came out.

Speechless huh? Haha. I feel that much weaker than I thought, well at least I thought that I would be able to survive with the least common sense I have. Oh well. Let's face the brutal truth. I'm not as good as I am supposed to be. If I don't study like a dead people (really like dead people) I don’t think I will be able to write even a word.

You must be wondering.
HEY, STRAIGHT A STUDENT? DON'T LIE lar.

Tell you something. I have no reason to lie. Since I was a little and even until now, I do not have a good grasp of knowledge in terms of comprehension. It takes me a long time to comprehend a simple thing which other people would take few moments to understand. It’s really hard for me to cope with things, very hard.

Remember PTS examination when we were at standard 3? The test is all about IQ with much analytical skills and common sense. To be able to sit for the exam, one has to pass writing language papers if I was not mistaken.

At that age, I love language. I passed the paper and merrily was eligible to sit for the exam. As yet, I still can’t figure out why I was eligible to sit for this exam knowing there was no chance at all. Back then, my teacher was rather fierce and she gave us a lot of pass year papers to do and discuss in class. You know, when we have to exchange workbooks with other friends for marking?

At all the time, I scored the lowest and was scolded by teacher in front of whole class. It was not fun at all when I realised that it was not amusing to gain attention by scoring lowest mark but truly, incompetent of performing like others. I think I sort of ruined the reputation of the class as I was in the so called "first class". I couldn't score more than half of the total score no matter how hard I tried. Even after doing a lot of exercises, I still couldn't score well.

It’s not about scoring high marks. I have problems in comprehension and coping with things. It's very hard for me to comprehend things, and even if I understand, I tend to forget after a while. This is when the process of "not understanding" comes back to me again. When that happens, I do not have any idea of what I understood a while ago. If you ask me what is OHR right now, frankly I would tell you..
I HAVE NO IDEA AT ALL.

My mum knew this. That's why she did not expect much from me. After disappointing her for quite a few times, and as I lost grip of what I'm capable to cope with, I learned to become a resolute person to battle against myself. And that was what happened to my SPM result. My parents were very shocked, I was very surprised too. I’m very thankful that for once I’ve made my parents proud.

Until now, I do not recognise myself as a straight A student. I don't really like to be compared with others, or to be admired as "know it all" person. There are 2 types: the real genius and the hardworking. There is no way for me to study smart, and therefore study hard is my only option. If you have seen my notes for exam, you know what I mean.

It scares me a lot, how am I going to survive later. Am I going to be like this throughout my college life, my career? I have no idea too.

Still, I'm proud of myself of who I am. I am proud to say that I'm not a straight A student with much intelligence because it is of no use to make such fuss about it when I'm not. I have nothing but fortitude and stubbornness to become a tough person. I believe that we are never given a hope without power to make it true.

Yes, it's an endless process of exhaustion. Well I'm glad that I'm still holding on like a crazy fella, not knowing what is going to happen next. =)