Am I being restless

People still laughing, flowers still blooming, exam still approaching. Why can't they see the grief in our eyes? Why can't they understand how we feel? Doesn't anybody care? We thought that everyone is calloused in our matters. Nope, they aren't. They are just not involved in our grief.

My mood turned to devastation. Feeling numb and speechless, I spoke a few words to him and leave. Stepping out of the ICU, I questioned myself "What was I doing? What went wrong to me?" I've been practicing what I wanna tell him since a few days ago but I couldn't remember a word when I saw him. What was I doing?

A tube was drained to his brain, the crack was obvious. He was wheezing and gasping for breath, his zest for life. His eyes were widely open and he tried to talk. The monitor beside him was beating rapidly, as he was searching for light in the foggy world. Living in a tortuous world, he cried in silence.

Dear Friend,
How are you now? I'm really sorry. I have a lot to tell you but I don't know why everything went wrong today, I don't know what happened to me. I was shattering inside out and the pain is ripping me apart. You must stay strong and be a tough person okay. Don't be afraid of the dark because we'll lighten your way. We'll ache, we'll cry and we'll pray for you. Please stay strong..

I don't rattle off a list of tears, sad feelings, and grievances these days. By saying that I'm fine, I can deal with all these more easily. I tried to be cheerful as always, but no avail. The mask I'm wearing now is fading away..