Am I being restless

People still laughing, flowers still blooming, exam still approaching. Why can't they see the grief in our eyes? Why can't they understand how we feel? Doesn't anybody care? We thought that everyone is calloused in our matters. Nope, they aren't. They are just not involved in our grief.

My mood turned to devastation. Feeling numb and speechless, I spoke a few words to him and leave. Stepping out of the ICU, I questioned myself "What was I doing? What went wrong to me?" I've been practicing what I wanna tell him since a few days ago but I couldn't remember a word when I saw him. What was I doing?

A tube was drained to his brain, the crack was obvious. He was wheezing and gasping for breath, his zest for life. His eyes were widely open and he tried to talk. The monitor beside him was beating rapidly, as he was searching for light in the foggy world. Living in a tortuous world, he cried in silence.

Dear Friend,
How are you now? I'm really sorry. I have a lot to tell you but I don't know why everything went wrong today, I don't know what happened to me. I was shattering inside out and the pain is ripping me apart. You must stay strong and be a tough person okay. Don't be afraid of the dark because we'll lighten your way. We'll ache, we'll cry and we'll pray for you. Please stay strong..

I don't rattle off a list of tears, sad feelings, and grievances these days. By saying that I'm fine, I can deal with all these more easily. I tried to be cheerful as always, but no avail. The mask I'm wearing now is fading away..

The Waiting

The stale smell of the medicine, the grief spirit daunted the ICU room. I handed the bottle of blessings to his dad. I'm really sorry because I'm not good in making those but I tried my very best. Dear friend, I really hope that this bottle of blessings could make you feel better.

I comforted everyone to stay strong and smile (like me!) but actually I was the one holding the tears inside. I cried the most, and I was the worst among all. I'm not as strong as you guys thought, I'm just typical me..

Clutching his hand I spoke to him, holding the tears behind the words. He held my hand tightly and tried to talk with the tube. His eyes were watery filled and he tried to open his eyes. I was touched. My eyes were welled with tears and I choked up. I did not wanna let him to hear my weeps..

Hey dear friend,
To lose a good friend like you is something that I couldn't bare. Throughout the years we have been fighting and bullying each other. Remember that you used to bully me? I dun mind to let you bully, but you must wake up and bully me again okay? You must stay strong! It must be an ordeal experience for you but don't fret okay, everyone will be there for you. Please don't give up because this is not the end of the play, u still have a long way to go. We will pray for you, we'll support you always. We hope to see you talk, smile, laugh, jump when we visit you next time. We hope that it won't be in ICU, we hope that it'll be in your house! We'll party over your house..okay?

Some said I looked different these days, some said that I didn't talk much these days. (Izzit?) I'm sorry, maybe I'm just a crying baby. Please forgive me because I mengamuk again. Each of my friend represent different world to me, you guys are the most precious assets I could have. I'd cry for anyone, each of my friends. Sometime I wonder, why not me? The most grieved feeling is to see people we cared suffer great pain.

We'd ask, why not us? Why?

Heartrending

I was paralyzed. It enveloped me for the whole day today and I was no longer in mood for exams anymore, as today we had History paper. The duration was too long for a paper 2 and everyone was sleeping in the class. When it was about noon, the sun was hanging there up in the sky and the rays beat heavily on me. After crapping the sheets, I sat there and began to crap something in my mind.

Where is PEACE? All these seem to be the daily occurrences. Why the rascals could scoot off like a tortoise while the victims suffer a great loss? Where is the justice, lying behind the occurred tragedy? The spate of these tragedies had taken place in our world recently, what on earth is going on? First the TAR college student, and now another one? The fella, being merciless at all. Hey if you want money then just take money and leave. What do you want from him? Don't tell me that you’re a gay!

My senior suffered catastrophe, being seized and he currently is in hospital suffering injuries and being unconscious. It was printed in the newspaper. I heard from one of my friend that his injury is critical. It's really heartrending. Feel really sad right now. I'll pay him a visit soon..

Hey, must stay strong okay. I'll pray for you, please stay strong! Remember you promised to give me pocket money? I still haven't received any of them. Please be tough!

The Guilt

Cradling a diminutive cup of coffee
Advertently she let a snooze escape
Darkness upon the room
Merely the grief could tear her apart

The whiff of coffee
Tangles of confusions
The uncapped thoughts
Confession and guilt creep upon her

The guilt
The confession
The delinquency
Echoed her inner turmoil

Falling in the sin
Engrossed with the guilt all alone
Tearing apart with an aching hear

Tersengal

Cikgu dah masuk kelas
Aku terjaga daripada lamunanku
Aku tersengal-sengal kat situ
Dengan asyiknya cikgu tanya pasal aku,"YOU okay ke?"
Cikgu terase pasal aku..
Slumberaku jawab cikgu
Aku dah hampir nangis..

Kali ni salah aku ke?
Aku tak berniat buat macam tu
Aku terpana seketika..
Aku dah berusaha
Aku dah tak larat lagi..
Aku dah...

Kali ni kali terakhir
Sememangnya aku dah berusaha
Kehibaan terpalit di hatiku

Aku mengalamun
Gundah dalam hatiku..