Unlikely Delusion

Awaken from the slumber
Unfolding her eyelids she awed
With tears streaming down her face

Naive and being susceptible
The unacquainted hues of hers
Started to fade and prickle with ache
As she noticed the bruise was no longer
A dream she hoped that wasn't true

Clinging to her gullible mind
She was too naive to believe that
True intentions are always disguised
In a manner that is too profound
Beyond her naive grasp

As she heard the ponderous tread
Her heart fluttered in trepidation
Throbbed with an empty heart
In hope she could sort things out
Amid the best solution of hers

Guilt pulsed her
Without a sense of forgiveness
As she felt a twinge of her conscience
She reproved her amiable disposition
For being such a foolish person

Suffocating in affliction
Her tears shrouded in mirage
In a dream she hoped wasn't true

Time to Rouse

I’m trembling with the emergency brake in my palms. I’m accelerating on the one-way railway, taking the track at the peril of my future.

I’m wavering in hesitation, sighing in gawkiness. Many people said that i’ll be fine because i’m a smart girl that will never daunted by obstacles. (still i don't know how true it is) I even tried to sway myself that I’ll be fine. I’m tough for everything..

A good friend of mine told me about being resolute about our decision. Once a decision is made, we have to bear the consequences with great fortitude. You know what, i’m really thankful for having a great friend like her. But somehow I felt so bad about myself and ashamed of what I’ve done. (Val, shame on you!!) I mean, what on earth was I doing, faltering about everything?

She’s right. I'm slipping. I’m drifting apart from the dream I used to have. No more sweet tales with happy endings. It’s time to rouse from hundred years of sleep of mine..

Go..Further!

If you ask me whether I'm bemoaning about the miracle-could-be the I used to have, my answer would be undeniably "YES".

It's like.. you were standing close to the goal of yours and you're excited about it. Suddenly you slipped up and fell down. You felt the ache but still you tried to seize everything you could. No matter what you have attempted, still you were chucked with a red card. In the trance and you heaved a sigh as the thing you manage to grip is a hallucination of your dream.

Actually.. I don't wanna sit for any exams nor interview right now though a university in US told me that I could stand a great chance. Many people persuaded me, but still I'm not going for it. I'm sorry. i just can't afford another one. I mean, it's over and i'm over it. thank you everyone. =)

Hey don't worry, i'm doing really fine now. Though college life is a lil hectic and demanding (sometimes), but still I enjoyed every moment of it! *hands up for campus life* I experienced and learned a lot of things, and discovered a little about my true self. I love it! and I love my friends! You guys are inspiration and stimulation for me to go further. (sorry yeah kinda sickening huh?=p)

You guys out there, wherever and whoever you are, you have my blessings. take good care of yourself and make every endeavor to the best yeah! =)

Getting a Car

Val, do you drive?
Well, not really..
Do you have your license?
Yeah I have my driving license, but I don't drive.
Huh??? =.=

Lucy said that she'll have gotten a Kembara by the end of this year. Her boyfriend will be getting her a four wheel drive. I marveled a while as a Kembara came to my mind. well for a driving newbie like me, i don't really want to drive a huge car like that. I fancy small little car like.. kancil, or my dream car, Smart car! (SmartForTwo is so cute!!)

*dreaming* *dreaming* *dreaming*
(i'm melting away...)

Ahh..this car is superb! I pleaded my dad to get me one and his response was "haiya drive the Iswara first laa..like your brother like that, bump a few times first." but you know what? the Iswara is twice longer/bigger than the Smart car. (how do we measure har?) and of course, Smart car is simply gorgeous and stylish!

I tell you what. Smart car is meant for people in the market like you. Don't know how to parking, hold sterling also scare one. you don't know the joy of driving lahh~ (Quoted by my dad. bapa borek, anak rintik huh? =.=)

Okay, back to what I said just now. Lucy and I burst into laughter when we prated about her future car. Her boyfriend very cute laa..

Well he said, driving a four wheel drive is better. So I told him to get me StormRider instead, so that i can "soar" on the road. Rather than Kembara, StormRider sounds nicer for a four wheel drive right?

Friday Night

The splendor of a moon lit night on the bank of the Lucerna River reminisces me of the nostalgia moments with Guilietta Guicciardi. As forbiddance pulls us apart, I have qualms about letting her go. Do human beings who love one another control love or is love controlled by higher authority?

Before any relationships starts, we need affirmation. Without them, we create phantoms without heads. I'm a phantom who is in love. The distinct of melody reminds me of thou, translating our love to a song of nocturne. As the loneliness sweeping in, I enslave myself to the sonata. The score is played in C sharp minor, a song of tranquil, a song of lullaby, and a song of our love.

The moon bathes the bank, tapping out a rhythmic tempo, leading me to the broken heart. As the notes penetrated my soul and filled me with sentimental notes, my fingers pull the melancholy notes together with gentle assurance. Notes echo me with unspoken words, hovering in pain and agony. For no one would know, the story of my woes, the everlasting love of ours.

Under the gleaming moonlight, you could hear a song of languidly beautiful and heart-wrenching nocturne...Moonlight Sonata.

Yes. I can read your lips and i know what you're trying to say. I wrote it. It was kinda long time ago when we were told to write this as homework. I remembered crapping this and the feeling is kinda like how i feel right now. yeah well sometimes when i got a lil inspired and i might crap something like this. don't get it wrong okay, i'm not that kinda quixotic with those the love and eternity stuff. Actually I felt a lil flinched whenever i read what i had crapped. (don't you feel so?)

Friday night..my favourite night. (is not like i'm going for clubbing larr..) It's a night that is typically just for me to settle down everything after a long week. i simply love the feeling of friday night. In the midst of tranquility, i love the feeling of sipping the scorching peppermint tea of mine, indulging the mellifluous voice of Shayne Ward, crapping some stuff.. the feeling is so great..

Sometimes i just don't know what i'm crapping about, gibberish i think. but it's really great to crap some stuff and maybe that's why i love blogging. It's like summarizing the encounters of life and sharing it in a cache of ours.

hmm..that's all for tonight. have a wonderful weekend and gambateh ya for our last paper next week!! =p

Out of the Ordinary

I feel the anxiety of examinations. Ahh..exams! Life is about passing the assessment, get good results, live a great life, is it? Nonetheless, hassling about life is pointless now.

It's been quite a while, since college life starts. And the first semester will end with examination, the ending closure. Procrastinating all the time, I'm kinda lazy sometimes. Ahh~I'm just too tired. >.<

People tend to say that I'm atypical, going to bed in the wee hours and wake up before dawn. The strange thing is, I'm bouncing up and down the next day whereas those who went to bed early look languid. (Sometimes I snore in the class too) I can't deny that I'm kinda out of the ordinary, but it's really demanding. Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can bear a life like this. Anyway, it's not an eulogize in any kind. I don't think I deserve a credit for that.

You might say, what is so hard to go to bed early? yeah it's easy but not for me. It depends on one's fortitude and who you really are. No one has the precise answer for what one should do. Maybe I'm just too fixated with everything or I'm just too thorough..

Everyone is different and nobody is perfect. But the only thing you can do is work towards a better one you could be.

Vulnerable

Status: not fully-recovered. (it's horrible to be sick)

In case you wanna know, it's 12am. I keep on telling myself that I'll go to bed early but in the end I end up questioning myself. What on earth I'm doing right now in the midst of midnight where everyone is snoring in bed?! 0_O

I was doing Business Statistics(BS) but then I stopped. You know..I was doing really fine these days in BS. All the chapters, I muddled through quite okay.. even the coursework exams. Surprisingly, my BS got the highest mark among the other subjects in coursework test, even IA. I was stunned. I never thought that I could do so well.

Till this chapter, Estimation and Confidence Intervals. I find it really hard for me to understand the formula and the definitions. Which kind of questions goes to which formula, what is the question talking about, etc. Kinda frustrated.. I did tried really hard to understand but eventually I failed to do so no matter how many times I read. This is the first time I feel that BS is too profound for me to understand. Sigh..

Do you know how it's like being vulnerable? When I was doing the tutorial, I became desperate and helpless. That moment, I thought of Mr Govind. I really wish he were here to guild me. Whenever I face dilemma in maths stuff or economics, he is the one that comes across my mind. I know it's impossible yet I really wish that someone could help me through all this.

Mr Govind, I do.. thought about you sometimes. I know I'm on my own right now. I really want to prove to you that, I can do this on my own. yeah i will.. Gambateh val..

Sick

I tried.. I really tried my best but I was hit down by the medicine that eventually put me to sleep for 12 hours. This morning, as I roused in the midst of drowsiness and stretched my small eyes (mate sepet) and stared at the clock..

7..8..9..10?!! It's 10am?!
*counting my fingers*

OMG~ I had slept for 12 hours, which is 3 days of my sleep. (4hours*3days=12hours) Yesterday after tutorial classes in the morning, I skipped 3 hours lecture and went to clinic. The pain and the woozy thing in my head was unbearable. I got myself some medicine and headed back to college again.

I had to go back to college because I need to hand in our BITA assignment, despite of my lethargy. My obstinacy won my dad's in the end and so I went back to college again. haha~ My friends were like stunned when they saw me. It was really a relief for me after I handed in our assignment though I was really sick.

The medicine which was kinda strong put me to sleep an hour later. Reluctant to go to bed that early at first, but then finally I gave up because I couldn't stand anymore. I went to bed at 10pm (which was too early for my ordinary routine) and that was what had happened. 12 hours of sleep! owww.. A sense of guilty engulfed me for the whole day..

I guess I was wrong. I'm not as tough as I thought I could be. Well, I'll end this post with a quotation from me myself..

Take good care of yourself! Believe me, you don't want to be in my position right now. And, the most important is.. SLEEP EARLY! =)

My Path

Sometimes I just don't know if this is the right decision. With the options in my hands, I don't know what I want for my future. Will I regret one day for the wrong path I chose? Well..I don't know.

"Well, from your graph. You are suitable for your course. Don't worry, you will be fine in your course."

"But Mr Alen, I know from the graph I'm suitable for my course. But just that when I study.. sometimes I don't know if I'm choosing the right path. I doubt my decision and the path I chose. I don't really know what I want for my future."

"Then this a matter of interest.. We have a lot of options in our hands. When I was at your age I don't know what I want to be. Till I graduated and found a job and after a few years I apprehended that I don't fit my job. Later on I discovered D.I.S.C and then I realized that I couldn't live without the crowd. I initiated to quit my job and become a speaker."

"Anyway, what I want to tell you is that.. If you want to succeed, you must utilize your strength and not trying to improve your weaknesses. Overcoming weakness is good yet you have to focus on your strength. This is the main message I want to tell you and the main reason I'm here. If you love your job with passionate, you are willing to do it for free."

Life

Imagine you witnessed your beloved one being cremated. You saw the coffin being pushed into the crematory (into the oven). You stood there, trying to reach your hand towards the coffin. Your tears rolled down the cheeks and you couldn't stop yelling his/her name. After that, everything turned into ashes including the corpse (your beloved one) and the coffin. Nothing was spared but the skeleton (the bones). You picked the skeleton (which was unrecognizable broken pieces) from the ashes with chopsticks and arranged the pieces accordingly (from head to toe) into a bottle and sealed it.

Holding the bottle in your arms, you couldn't stop sobbing. This, bottle of thing is a life of a human being. This is your beloved one, yesterday he/she was talking to me but today he/she is gone forever, turned into ashes and being kept in the bottle. God took him/her away from us without a reason, we keep on questioning but God tend not answer us.

Do this kind of situation sounds familiar to you? Maybe yes, maybe no. In person, I had been through this two years ago and it gave a huge impact on me. After that incident two years ago, I began to have faith about life. I began to know what is life about. It's ok, if you do not understand. (I'm crapping, as always..)

Kinda moody these days.. ahh.. There is a friend of mine, did I mention this before? He suffered catastrophe last year..if you could remember. He is getting well, but still unconscious. He was transferred to another hospital in Pandan Indah not long ago.

I was very down in the spur of moment. It has been a long time..about 6 months plus. When I was in NS, there was a moment that suddenly I thought of him. I contacted his dad (the very first time) and his dad was shocked though. Yea, what to do? I heard nothing from anyone and I was curious about his progress. (Man, I was so brave..) Hey friend, must take care okay..be tough! You can make it!! =)

I don't know, after witnessing that incident 2 years ago, I started to cherish the life of every living thing. I would cry for anyone who suffered mishaps, well sometime. (Don't freak out ok) This is true, I don't know why though. (Weird huh?) As the days marched on relentlessly, I had straightened out my thinking.

"Cherish our life" is something that is something that we should do, the next phrase which I think that will rhyme is "Live our life to the fullest, have no regrets!"