As a Whole

Being egocentric is not wrong in any kind, nor correct. We live in a life of ours and we tend to think on our standpoints that are very unlikely in other's shoes.

When we are wounded, we would blame everyone that comes across our mind. We'd blame God, for no one has the foggiest notion of what god plans for us. we'd blame other people, for not being understanding enough what we have been through. we blame everyone but never ourselves because we are the protagonist as we have our rights to believe what we think is right.

We are insatiable, don't we? We will never be pleased of what we have but we will definitely groan about what we do not have. That's what that'll stimulates us to attain something we are yearning to have. yeah well, acquiring something is good but it has to be done in moderation..

When there is a smudge on our shirt, do we discard our shirt? Certainly we'll buy all sorts of bleach to remove the dirt off the shirt. Think it as a whole, we do not snub our shirt for a little dirt on it right. (omg, what I'm talking about?) okay what I mean is, making fuss of small matters is superfluous. If we do so, we will not have enough time to cherish what we have.

Ravenousness will never make us feel better. If we haggle over little matters, we will lose things we have. =)

New Journey

Today, the first day of June will mark the beginning of my new journey. My life was full of uncertainty since a few months ago, but now officially I'm free to declare that I'm a free bird. I do not have to hold on anything because of any miracle could-be to happen. Apparently they do not belong to me no matter how hard I tried.

After tons of rejections (including another one today), I'm going to start off my college life. Let bygones be bygones. Life is full of suffering and also full of overcoming. I was astonished as though I couldn't believe the hard times I gone through these days. And, I cried as I received a lot sms from many people that cared for me. Thank you all so much..

REMEMBER THAT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD

JUST TRY YOUR BEST IN WHATEVER YOU DO
AND LEAVE THE REST TO GOD

ANYWAY WE ALL ARE PROUD OF YOU

Eraser and Rubber

Yesterday we were having a little game about guessing an item. The game was like this, you have to describe an object that is in the textbook and your partner has to guess what is it. I was describing about a ring..

"It's an object which couple take it as a symbol of commitment.."
(I haven't finish my line)
"Is it a CONDOM?"

..What?! A what? By the way, there was no picture of any condom in the textbook. I brushed up my eyebrows gave Rod (my partner) a staring look and we both start laughing. My Godness! It's really hilarious! Hehe.. =)

In British education system, we often refer "rubber" as a rubber-made item that we used to rub pencil or ink markings. Back to school, we often say "Can I borrow your rubber please?" Sounds perfectly okay right?

However in US, "rubber" actually refers to condom. An "eraser" is the thing we use for erasing pencil or ink markings. So, if you say "Can I borrow your rubber please?" You will surely get a response with mysterious grin on face. =]

Sympathetic Me

If you read today's newspaper, my dad almost got me into the headline. Some reporters interviewed him yesterday. Luckily they just published my result, not my name. Pheww..what a shocking news.

I received a letter from Taylors today. I grumbled, why not a few days later or before? Or perhaps not sending me this letter? I don't know. I tried to persuade myself that "Well, at least you tried your best!" but it didn't work out anyhow. I grumbled a lot these days..especially when those phone calls coming in. Everyone feels sympathy for me, even my sister.

Jie jie, so how? Nobody want u, very "ke lian" (pitiful) ohh...

I do not know what to say anymore. Man, my life is such a disaster..

The Result

I woke up late today although I knew that the result would be out today on 8am. The server was busy, I refreshed the webpage about half an hour. Meanwhile, I surfed the forum and seems like everyone is bouncing up and down celebrating success. I'm so glad for them though.

Okay, my turn. I typed in my IC number and it turned out with loads of words of "dukacita". I was like, Oww..I knew it. The good news is, I can sleep well tonight without worries! Say HI to my college life! The bad news is, of course, I'm rejected.

Trying to coax myself all the time, I have to learn from rejections. You know, the moment I received my SPM results, I was really happy. I thought that if I try really hard I would succeed one day. I was wrong..

I took Perdagangan as extra subject, I don't know if this is a wise decision. Most of the students tend to drop that subject and I'm the odd one that is willing to take this subject. As for the result, I obtained A1 for that subject. I was really happy..really happy..

Today, so what if you get good results? Nobody wants you anyway, you are going to end up your life just like the others. You thought that you are going to be different but you are totally wrong. You have to be extremely outstanding and with "good results" (not the ordinary one) to shine over the others.

I was turned down by everyone, everything. Apparently, nobody wants me. Even I tried by best, I'm still not good enough.

Don't worry I'm fine..I guess.

Anxious

I can't stand another second glancing at the screen. I even do not have to courage to type in my IC number as my equilibrium is seriously being stricken.

What is going to happen next? What will happen if I'm short-listed? What will happen I'm rejected? Will the screen show the word "tahniah" just like last year when I found out I was shortlisted for National Service?

I thought that I wasn't alone, but I guess I am right now. All I need a shoulder to cry on and someone that will go through all these with me. But guess what? Most of my friends do not even know what is JPA and I have to explain to them. (I'm frustrated and hopeless..)

Yea I know. I know that I do not stand a chance being short-listed. Not to mention I'm a Chinese with only my "cukup makan" result. But there is still a tiny little chance for me and I think it is not wise for me to give up without trying. I'm sorry for my behaviour last month when I was so frustrated (deeply) and was about to give up the interview. I felt sorry for the knockouts that are not called for interview. In fact, I should be glad and thankful that I'm shortlisted for interview because many people out there wanted it so much.

The real result will be out on 11th May, 8am. It'll determine my future, either say "hi" or "bye" to college life.

Techie or Not

Feeling really sick these days. The unbearable weather makes me lazy to get out of the air-corn room. I want stay in my room for the rest of my life!! Haha..

Sometime I wonder, what is going to happen to me without technology. (Forgive me, I have a task to do this week) I have to write an essay about a technology that I can't live without. Technology.. hate it or love it!

I think I'm kinda technophobe, technically. I don't get it. How are we going to race with the pace of the technology? I mean, the moment we bought something new (definitely cost a lot) and then not long later we are risen with the latest technology. And then, we are tagged with "Hey mate, you are out of date!"

That is the main reason why I don't want to buy another handphone. Change, to be exact. I want to buy a new model as mine is kinda out of date. With only 1 mega pixels, duh.. Either keep on the pace or you are being left behind. That's the fact because technology changes rapidly.

So, practically I'm in between. Half-techie!! Hehe, kinda proud of that. I love technology but that doesn't make me a techie though. I love to be in between.

Pray Hard

I checked the forum and guess what? The results will be out on 10th May! Approximately 5 days ahead..next week..

According to the statistics, it is almost impossible for me to be shortlisted. It's kinda crucial but this is the reality. Especially for non-bumis.. I really hope to be shortlisted though.

Yea I know. I'm not smart and good enough to be shortlisted. Arr..sometime I'd blame myself for my stupidness. But then, I'm glad with what I have right now. As long as I tried my best and it is open and aboveboard, God knows.

What I can do right now is keep on praying and move on.. God Bless!

Brand New Start

Today is a brand new day. You may not be the perfect one but you have a sense of tenacity and responsibility towards yourself! Tell everyone about that!

Two weeks ahead, you may not be the lucky one. This is your fate, maybe you are just not good enough for them. You are going to tell yourself that you've done your best. You are just a tiny portion behind them, you can't blame anyone for that..

You've done a great job, maybe not great enough, not quite. You tried to be the best you can, but you are always being blamed for everything.

Salting the wounds may be really hurt, but you can do it! Go Val!!

Life

Imagine you witnessed your beloved one being cremated. You saw the coffin being pushed into the crematory (into the oven). You stood there, trying to reach your hand towards the coffin. Your tears rolled down the cheeks and you couldn't stop yelling his/her name. After that, everything turned into ashes including the corpse (your beloved one) and the coffin. Nothing was spared but the skeleton (the bones). You picked the skeleton (which was unrecognizable broken pieces) from the ashes with chopsticks and arranged the pieces accordingly (from head to toe) into a bottle and sealed it.

Holding the bottle in your arms, you couldn't stop sobbing. This, bottle of thing is a life of a human being. This is your beloved one, yesterday he/she was talking to me but today he/she is gone forever, turned into ashes and being kept in the bottle. God took him/her away from us without a reason, we keep on questioning but God tend not answer us.

Do this kind of situation sounds familiar to you? Maybe yes, maybe no. In person, I had been through this two years ago and it gave a huge impact on me. After that incident two years ago, I began to have faith about life. I began to know what is life about. It's ok, if you do not understand. (I'm crapping, as always..)

Kinda moody these days.. ahh.. There is a friend of mine, did I mention this before? He suffered catastrophe last year..if you could remember. He is getting well, but still unconscious. He was transferred to another hospital in Pandan Indah not long ago.

I was very down in the spur of moment. It has been a long time..about 6 months plus. When I was in NS, there was a moment that suddenly I thought of him. I contacted his dad (the very first time) and his dad was shocked though. Yea, what to do? I heard nothing from anyone and I was curious about his progress. (Man, I was so brave..) Hey friend, must take care okay..be tough! You can make it!! =)

I don't know, after witnessing that incident 2 years ago, I started to cherish the life of every living thing. I would cry for anyone who suffered mishaps, well sometime. (Don't freak out ok) This is true, I don't know why though. (Weird huh?) As the days marched on relentlessly, I had straightened out my thinking.

"Cherish our life" is something that is something that we should do, the next phrase which I think that will rhyme is "Live our life to the fullest, have no regrets!"

A Gathering

Today I had a gathering at Time Square with my NS friends. About 6 people turned out, including me, SY, Carmen, Candice, Carol, XM. Well supposing there should be more but some of them were not able to come, so..just a few of us. Anyway, despite of that we had a day together!

We went shopping and hanging out together. We went hunting for shoes but in the end after loitering around, we ended up with a word "failure" on our cheeks. Aw..how hard it was! Haha..you know I should have wear a 3-4 inches high heel shoe, lack of height. (Well, you know..) Especially walking beside Suet Yi and Carmen. Hey you two, next time walk with bare feet okay..^^

I miss u guys..it was great to gather again. It had been about a month we hadn't meet or hear from each other. Although we were just loitering around, but seeing each other is something way more important than anything else.

Today was the first time I stepped into Time Square this year. Can you believe that? Yea..after NS I hadn't go anywhere but staying at home. A lot of unexpected things happened and when the moment arrived it was time for preparation and it was about getting busy.

I miss my friends, from camp and from secondary school. Everyone is busy pursuing studies and some even moved far apart from KL. What can I say..I miss u all a lot. Sincerely, I wish you guys all the best in everything..love u guys always..^^

Mum Is Back..

Mum is back! Oh dearrr~ Being da boss in house is something kinda tough. Not actually the boss, you see..

I did the laundries. (Hand wash!)
I cleaned up the dishes. (Of couse hand-wash..)
I take care of the hygiene and sanitation. (Well um, hand wash again)

Ok, you will say what is the big deal right? Yea..you don't know me my dear. I'm so not good in these as you see, therefore God sent me to National Service. Well um, okay now I stop complaining about National Service.

Duh..I felt a sense of guilty.

My mum went to Kedah for a couple of days. So, you know as the elder daughter in the house, I'm supposed to do all the housework. No fair! What about brother? I did his laundries too! (There is no conclusion in this topic though..)

Mum returned home today, as usual, brought back a lot of stuffs. She got me a skirt, which I think is a little too long for my height. Haha.. Also, she brought back two "angpau"s from my grandma and my eldest uncle. I was like, wow..

Dad, see? where is mine?! Dadddddyyyyyy!!

They called the red packet as some kind of reward and prosperity. I don't know what to say. Holding the cash in hand, I have no idea what to do with them but deposit them to bank account. I felt like, you know receiving something without doing anything. I don't really like something that doesn't belong to me, or something for free without paying anything. I just don't know what to say..

Hey God, you sure that this is my slip peperiksaan? You sure? Pretty sure or very sure? Will someone from Jabatan Pendidikan call me tomorrow and say "Maaf cik, slip peperiksaan anda telah tersilap taip. Sebenarnya itu bukan keputusan spm anda."

Pray Hard and Move On..

Yea, after a few days of loafing around the house, kinda bored. These days, I have nothing to do. Well um, except for waiting interview calls? Anyway, we must have back-up plans right?

I've checked the forums, blogs, spent a whole day checking on JPA stuffs. JPA is for students with full A1s. Yea, full straight A1s. Even student with full A1s doesn't guarantee a scholarship. How crucial it is! This is the reality..

Besides, there is quota for the non-bumiputeras. The issue was hyped a long time ago and the fact that we, as non-bumis has less chances than the bumis. So, let say we have to choose, would you choose student with all A1s or with some A2s? Let's face the reality guys.. There is a saying tell us that, getting a JPA scholarship is like winning a lottery.

Competing with the best students among the best in Malaysia, can you imagine how competitive it is? I'm just, a tiny portion standing behind them. People says that "Wow, Val you are outstanding!". When you are in the competition like this, you will actually know what "outstanding" stands for. I'm not as good as you all think..

That day I had interview with 6 candidates, all of them had excellence result in academic. Me? I'm nothing being compared to them. I'm not good enough in my curricular activities, I have to admit that. Being a librarian for about 5 years is just not enough. Oww..

"We actually expect that you will get about 5As, or less," quoted by my mum. (Mum, stop being so crucial to your daughter!) Haha.. Getting the result that I have always wanted is really headache. This is true, if cukup makan, I could just close my eyes and pick any college. When it is more than cukup makan, there are a lot of choices and boundaries out there.

Fail to get JPA is not the end of the world. We all know that the chances are low. According to the statistics, it is almost impossible for students with no full straight A1s, especially non-bumis to obtain an offer from JPA. This is true, but miracle does happen sometime. Meanwhile praying so hard for JPA these few weeks, why don't we move on..

Yea, that's right. All the best to the pre-scholars..

The Interview

Girl ar, pray more ok.."Amitabha" really works!
(Quoted by mum)

Go there gain experience, let my fuels and toll fee be worthy~
(Quoted by dad)

Go there have fun and return, that's all! You are not losing anything~
(Quoted by bro)

The nerve-wrecking moment had arrived. Today I had an interview in Putrajaya. Yesterday I was had been doing homeworks. It was said that the current issues would the possible interview questions. And so this morning, I woke up at about 6.30am and started my research. (I used to wake up at about 11am)

National Education Blueprint (Cluster School), RMK9, FTA, Visit Malaysia Year 2007, etc. As you know, I don't really read newspapers, well except for the entertainment section. Hehez! Seriously, I'm zeroing in general knowledge and the happenings around. Haha..

"Girl, got free time read more newspaper larr."
(Quoted by my mum)

But it's too late right? Haha.. Right, regardless my insufficient sleep, I woke up and did those topics and memorized all the facts and points. Well, I heard rumors about the interview in a forum. Some said that it will be in both Bahasa Melayu and English language, some said that maybe there will be an essay writing within half hour and all sorts. And so, I went through all of my BM notes, thank god I still kept them in my study room.

I was so tense as I went through all the notes. I had not been using the languages for a long time, about 4 months. Many of the terms I had already forgotten. When I was about to give up, I heard that there are many people out there appealing to get into the interview because unable to fulfill the requirements and was not shortlisted. They wanted the interview so much, but me? Well um, maybe it is not as bad as other people says, I told myself.

I reached there 50 minutes earlier and sneaking around. Some people attending with a huge coat (maybe parent's) and some wearing National Service class uniform. I saw a guy, attaching a tie on it. Kinda weird, but cute! (Have you seen postman wearing a tie?) All of them look so smart, genius-like. I looked around and tried to look for familiar faces. Friends? Anyone from Chong Hwa? Anyone here? Suddenly Suet Yi came in the scene. I was shocked, she wasn't there for the interview but for her friend. I'm glad that I met her. Miss her so much! Hehez!

The clock stroked twice and I was called with other six candidates, attaching a number 3 on my shirt. Both the panels were Malay ladies. We introduced ourselves in BM and then the discussion started in English. "Girls are better than Boys", the topic of our discussion. I was like, what? I memorized all the facts, even the politic facts and current issues! My godness! However, I'm so thankful for the topic because it is quite general. The panels started off the topic giving some gender issues and asked about our opinions. After that, there were questions about us and about our future plans stuffs. How friendly they were! I really adored them! We were like chating and having fun in the space, where I've totally forgotten how to spell the word "stress". That was a great and enjoyable interview. I heaved a sigh of relief. Phew~

Later on, we went for our psychology test. There were about 280 questions to be answered within half an hour. I think it was to test us whether we are normal after SPM. Psycho test! Haha.. All of those questions were about our interests and hobbies. It was quite easy but the hardest part is to finish them within 30 minutes. And then, the end of the interview!

I felt great relief after the interview. I went home and as I surfed the forum, I found out that my interview was very different from the others. The others had discussion in both BM and English and with more practical issues. I was so glad that I had great panels and topics..thank you all! =)

I'm exhausted. Trying to relax, get those fact stuffs outta my mind. Haha! I don't know what to comment about my presentation but I'm glad that I had this interview. The chances may be low as it is highly competitive as the candidates are brilliant genius with many As. (I dun think I fall in that category though) Anyway, I did my best and I'll just leave the rest to the God! (,'')

I'm in..

Tahniah. Anda berjaya dipanggil untuk menghadiri temuduga PILN 2007 tajaan Jabatan Perkhidmatian Awam Malaysia.

Kill me, someone kill me! Another interview.. I don't know what to say, I should be really grateful for that because I'm the chosen one? My first interview in Taylor sucks, seriously. I don't think I'll be shortlisted for the next interview. Argh..

Okay, back to this coming interview. I don't know..really. I don't think I'm going to make it. I screwed up my first one in Taylor and I don't think I'm going to make it. The interview will be held in Putrajaya. The scene will be like this..

The officers will speak a topic. For example, Patriotism. Then we discuss with a group of members about an hour. They will sit back and observe. It is not about speech or being talkative, it is all about leadership on how to convice the others to talk, not ourselves.

This could be the toughest interview in my entire life. I really hope that miracle does happen, somehow. I guess is time for homework and preparations..

God bless everyone out there.

An Anonymous

Recently someone (I don't really familiar with) sms-ed me. Even though I know the existence of the person, but we never talk. Argh I was freak out and, I'm a bad person. Please tell me if I'm right.

The story starts when an anonymous sms-ed me..

How's ur result?
Sorry but who r u?

I'm K from 5xx class. So how's ur result?
Ohh..um, I got XX for my SPM. How about u?

Wow, so strong le..i got XX for SPM. So where u study?
Maybe I'm goin to tarc.. (What is the "strong" represents?)

I'm studying at there right now. Hey do you have SPM reference books?
Ohh.. What reference book u want? I gave away my books already.. (Okay a stranger sms me, trying to be a nice person for a reason? To ask for reference books?)

I need BM, BI, SAINS, MATHS, SEJ, MORAL. Do you have it?
Nope..sorry. Why do u need those? For what course need those? (Just want to know why we need Science in college, for Art Subjects?)

Why I want to tell u? u also dun tell me ur D.O.B..
u didn't ask? btw I dunno u really well.. (Hey u didn't ask okay, and what is so great about your course anyway? As if I'm dying to know about it?)

Tell ur DOB la..then I will tell u what I study in tarc..
*etc*

Actually there's more but that was the last msg I replied because I don't feel like talking that person. So childish. Is like toddles in nursery, you give me your candy and I lend you my book.

Are you trying to be a nice person to know me or are you taking advantage on me? The reason you msged me is for the books? What makes you think that I have those?

You didn't ask about my birthday. If you ask I will tell, I will never be childish for not telling or selling off myself. Okay, for nothing I was being accused of being selfish? What is all the fuss about?

About the course. What is the big deal about it? I'm just asking the reason you want some books from me. Maybe I could help a little, yea who knows? I'm not desperate to know what you are studying right now. By the way, I don't know you really well. Seriously, you are a stranger. And, I don't really want to know about your course. Stop the fuss, please.

Later on I received msgs from that person but I don't feel like replying. As if I'm so desperate for the person? For god sake! I do not owe anyone anything! What makes people think that I owe something to them? I don't like the innocent feeling being accused, desperate or dying for anyone.

However, I felt a great guilt for being a bad person abandoning the person. I've tried to be a nice person, but I just can't stand it. Argh I hate myself..

The Reborn

Today I went to the Bank Pertanian to withdraw the NS allowance. Just a paltry of RM300, plus RM0.05 of interest.

(Even RM0.05 can't cover the parking fee,duh..)

I didn't blog for quite some time. The main reason is because, I'm so tired and lazy to blog. The codes, all in a mess! I'm so lazy to do something about it. By the way I don't know what went wrong, I'm a noob in computing stuffs, esp HTML.

I've re-edited my blog. And did some spring-cleaning too. Some older post and comments are gone.. Sobzz! Anyway, the newly reborn of my blog..

I'm going to keep it simple. Simple is simply the best~!

Being Left Behind

Can anyone here allow me to recoup what I've lost for these days? This seemed to be perpetually gone, for me. This is really getting me into tears..

You guys dyed hair, worked, studied, coupled, got car license, etc. The feeling getting home is very terrible, being far apart of the world. How is it like, to stay away from friends, where the others had done something awesome where as you are being left behind?

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.. I don't want to face the crowd..

MERDEKA~!!

Pada saat yang bersejarah ini, calon WL071A070 telah tamat menduduki peperiksan SPM!

Let's acclaim MERDEKA, shall we?

Should be feeling great right now but I'm feeling kinda sad because this is going to put a full stop towards my secondary schooling life, and my tuition stuffs. I've struggled for two years just for this moment that will forever vividly emblazoned in my life!

I've tried my best. I've blurted out everything out of my mind, now I'm going to leave it to the God. The most important is not about the TIPS or RESULTS. The main key is about the process. Study groups, discussions, the process of learning are the greatest of all!

Btw, I'm not a drudge. I'm just an ordinary student that typically loves to play. No play makes a dull life you know! If there were no enjoyment, it would be a monotonous journey.

Gatherings, decisions, my blogging drafts! Aduh~

The Right One to Arrive

Yea. Finally, the real one to arrive at my doorstep. I received my surat perintah and I'm so blur as I approach the letters. There are so many forms. Let me cite some of them..

1. Surat Pemberitahuan Peserta (Yea, thx for the inform, lolx)
2. Buku Rujukan (a.k.a THE RULES)
3. Tiket Bas (Got air-corn ar?)
4. Borang Penangguhan (Can I recycle it?)
5. Borang Pemeriksaan Kesihatan (Not so sure after joining NS)
6. Borang Pendaftaran Peserta (Do I have a choice?)
7. Surat Kebenaran Pengendalian Senjata M-16 (Cool huh?)

Right. What should I do with all these stuffs?